Brinkmanship
In the end they declared a tie. Each contestant won and the sponsor supposedly wonderfully donated a second big and expensive prize. The solution wound up essentially a best of class rather than one top overall winner. An approach I concur with, making this a competition of excellence rather than perfection, as there was no defined criteria for the win.
A couple of days later another option was presented to me. I was having coffee with a business associate and we were discussing his company, how all of his employees were working at a distance, some of whom he had employed for several years and he had never met. Talking about the pros and cons of conducting business in this manner, he expressed some difficulty with managing remotely but, as I listened further, there were no complaints about communication. I surmised that having been a VP of Global Real Estate for many years he had learned the skill of engaging people at a distance.
He agreed, said he had been negotiating leases for years around the world and he was very adept at negotiation over the phone. He had a recent example of his skill. He had just completed the sale of his company to a larger one in another state. During the final phases of the sale price determination he was in an on-the-phone negotiation and they were down to the wire, but still $2500 apart. With the sale being somewhere nicely in six figures and months of talking behind them, one would think a difference of $2500 was insignificant, but each party refused to back down.
It was partly a matter of saving face and, perhaps a bigger part, a definer of their future relationship as he, the old owner, would now be an employee to the new owners. If either backed down now, one or the other would be considered a push-over and probably wind up being taken advantage of or repeating this scenario throughout their business relationship. Also, to this gentleman’s mind, if they were going to quibble about this insignificant a point, he really didn’t want to do business with them and the deal would be off. So, what to do?
Here is his idea for brinkmanship and remember, he has been through this hundreds of times. Toss a coin. Yes, you are reading this right. Just toss a coin. This way both save face. It is up to the whim of the universe, to chance. Neither has to back down, the conflict is resolved and they can move on, without enmity or animosity, neither feeling slighted, nor the loser – all with a simple win-win tactic.
So Oprah and Gayle, the next time you find yourselves in a similar position, just toss a coin. Oh, by the way, he indicated that he tossed the coin, it came up heads and he won. Either way, since it was over the phone, the other person had to trust that was what really happened, and they did - another relationship exercise. Try it gals.